Cleansing

Yesterday there was this storm. Not the type with lightning and thunder, but a wind storm. Now growing up with a father that was somewhat in touch with his Native American roots, I remember him telling me once that a wind storm is an omen. I liked thinking that there was an unseen natural force taking hand, but also being raised Baptist, there was a difficulty in bringing the two spiritualities together. I always dismissed the things my father said about eagles, owls, and mist, and I know my friends laughed at my antics about the moon cycles influencing mood. But this wind storm stirred me up. It’s like I literally could feel the winds of change.

Lately I’ve been going down this destructive path. My friends have all been worried about me, and I’ve all but alienated every one of them. You see I have this problem with being a little….ahem….stubborn. I’ve always felt that I couldn’t respect myself if I had to receive help from someone, when I know I can achieve something alone, even if it does almost kill me getting there. But since last night, I feel suddenly very different.

I couldn’t sleep. I felt so restless. The soft tapping of the summer rain on the window next to my bed, was almost like someone trying to awaken me with a subtle urgency. As soon as I saw the tiniest light through the blinds, the sleepiness couldn’t keep its hold on me. It was barely past dawn and I walked out the back door. The rain was still coming down steadily, and it was cool and the wind silent and absent. I stepped off of the porch barefoot, and in my pajamas. I walked about half the way to the creek, and sat down in the soggy grass.

My backyard had always been a haven. Nature has its way of making an impression, even on the unimpressionable. As I sat outside in the rain, I’m sure I was quite a sight. One might even consider it a little eccentric. Even as I looked to my side, the horses across the property fence stared at me quizzically. It was all quite comical. But, in my perspective, I just humbled myself before god and nature, and started anew.

It’s amazing what a little wind storm can accomplish.

After being told that my parents -within the next year or so- intend to sell off this property that I used to love, and eventually came to hate, I started to admire it once again. It is really quite symbolic of my growth into a woman. One of the trees I used to easily reach and climb as a child, now stood before me completely out of my reach of arm. It was tall, strong, and a little worn, but none for wear. The marks I had carved, I could barely make out as anything more than just a couple of gaps in the bark. The path that used to lead to the pond looked nothing more than some stones pressed into the dirt and overgrown with vines.





As I was walking back towards the house, I also noticed something quite out of place. When I got nearer I recognized it as a child’s kite. It must have been blown its way into my backyard during the wind storm yesterday. Considering I don’t know of any children living in this neck of the woods it kind of made me wonder how far it traveled. It’s a neat thought, though also kind of sad. Some child is out there wondering where their kite went to, and I’m wondering where it came from.