-

Why can we never do anything, at the most important moments?

i wish i were anywhere else.

NO, I wish i were here...



where i am only a short trip by jeep, a half-days 4-wheeler ride, and a packed lunch away from being alone here...



my paradise...

i actually carved the name of my first love (most likely illegally) on a fallen dead log under the waterfall to the right and in the distance. aren't you a luck boy... forever remembered by mother nature in Shangri-la.

"Later...?"

I have determined that I do not like goodbyes. I'm sure everyone is thinking, who does? Unless, of course, its that annoying telemarketer on the phone or your aunt Edna that won't stop harrassing you about finding someone and getting married before your body falls apart. But, I am not average on my degree of dislike.... I DREAD them. I guess its from my former experience with goodbyes all being negative...ie...
Boyfriends leaving town...
boyfriends leaving state...
boyfriends leaving country...
friends leaving town...
etc...

Now, most human beings that have an attachment to someone would want to say their farewells. I- on the other hand- would much rather just not acknowledge their leaving at all. I don't want any stupid goodbye hug! I want you to stay, so obviously a hug isn't going to suffice. And then, there is the dreaded awkward, "so, yeah...i guess this is goodbye," your whole relationship with that person then flashes before your eyes (i'm sure much like death) and sadness ensues...

Then to top it off they usually add a "Later!" or a "Take care," cause there isn't really any appropriate expression for what is happening. Both so heartless and unsentimental, and might I add untrue. Afterall, there will most likely be no 'seeing of them later.' They get busy with their new lives, find new friends/ girlfriends, and are never heard from again (with a few minor exceptions.)

So, my point is that I would rather just pretend you aren't leaving; and remember the last time we hung out, instead of that fake goodbye. No more tears and fears. I will be blissfully ignorant of your leaving me. Its happened too much, I won't allow it anymore. You can't promise me you will call, write, or even remember me...but I can promise you I won't ever forget.

Much ado about nothin...

My recent life revolves around maintaining two jobs, and going to school. Thats...pretty much...it. Boring eh?

Its the little things that count i suppose. Could things perhaps be starting to look up for me? Maybe.
I think the horrors are just at a standstill.

Sunday afternoon was spent lounging by the pool, and studying. Yesterday, Sarah and I rode our bikes to the softball game and ate some 50 cent hotdogs and drinks, and my best friend from high school called me last night for a chat. That was very refreshing. I'm trying to appreciate all the simple joys.

A big disagreement came up at the apartment recently involving lying and disrespect. Hopfully that has blown over now, because I really hate being the mediator, especially when you have no idea how to help.

I have compiled a list of my present likes and dislikes, things I intend on either avoiding or taking part in.
Likes:
Spring Afternoons by the pool/lake
Netflix
Double stacked oatmeal cookies and rootbeer floats
Having the time to push 'snooze' button more than once
Long talks with old friends, and new ones
compilation cds
finishing artwork
fitting into size five pants again

Dislikes:
Two jobs and school (ex) today working 8-4 and 6-11
Riding bike uphill with heavy backpack, against head wind
taking out the trash
studying for three tests in one week
friends fighting in front of you, and both wanting you to take sides
awkward talks with parents
having no spending cash
windy oklahoma days after taking time to fix hair

A Tribute

This is my tribute to the most wonderful/brilliant/enjoyable "expression" of affection, and human invention. Damn its been a long time. I think I'm like Scarlet O'Hara...I should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. Have fun trying to guess all the films...some are easy....others not....












My challenge to you all...kinda like homework in "Fight Club," is to spontaneously grab someone and kiss them. GO FOR IT!

Turn that frown upside down.

There is nothing like some mindless light-hearted banter to make your *explitive* day better.

Melinator16: i never said i was not okay. im happy as a hello kitty doll on crack.
Melinator16: i think im going to sell my virginity on Ebay.
Melinator16: you think i would get much?
Melinator16: the upside would be this nifty pin.
Melinator16: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=2036&item=6170226615&rd=1
SoonerPride777: lol
Melinator16: hmm i wonder if they have t shirts
SoonerPride777: and yes, I imagine you'd go for a bundle :-P
Melinator16: OH THEY DO HAVE BUMPER STICKERS!
Melinator16: my "I SOLD MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL" sticker is looking a little lonely.
SoonerPride777: lol, I never noticed that sticker!
Melinator16: maybe if i put a picture of me clothed i might be able to break even for the condoms i will have to buy. a nude picture might break me.
SoonerPride777: entirely not true!
Melinator16: thats cause im joshin you
SoonerPride777: lol, I know
Melinator16: i could sell each body part one at a time. might make more that way...
SoonerPride777: dibs on your left leg! :-P
Melinator16: the right is better. go for it
SoonerPride777: haha
Melinator16: or perhaps lucy or betty?
SoonerPride777: do I get a bonus if I buy both?
Melinator16: *names for my breasts*
SoonerPride777: lucy and betty?
SoonerPride777: oh, lol!
SoonerPride777: I figure they'll go first, no way I'd ever make enough money to buy them in time :-P
Melinator16: yeah if you buy both i will throw in some lotion to keep them in good condition.
SoonerPride777: haha, sweetness
Melinator16: hmmm....all the possibilities.....
SoonerPride777: no fair
Melinator16: you wanna know how i remember which breast is named what?
SoonerPride777: lol, how's that?
Melinator16: aleft and lucy.
Melinator16: "l"
SoonerPride777: (a picture might help your description :-P)
SoonerPride777: lol, I see
Melinator16: one in various stages of undress i suppose
SoonerPride777: hmmm....
SoonerPride777: oh yeah, no fair, if you run out of money someone will always pay to see a beautiful woman (I think the College of Art pays $9/hr for models ), but I'm just outta luck!
Melinator16: oh god. my body is one of those you must see naked in the dark, and for a few seconds at a time only.
SoonerPride777: *bangs head against keyboard* plkasdjl;kanvl;akvnkl;aj sdfpalsdfh
Melinator16: is that really what came out?
SoonerPride777: lol!
Melinator16: you know in some language that mean something like "i'm a dirty whore"
SoonerPride777: I am! I just don't get enough action to prove it :-P
Melinator16: hmmm. wait till those legs arrive. lots can be done...
SoonerPride777: lol
SoonerPride777: bleh, I procrastinated, now i gotta write an entire paper tonight....senioritis is deadly, I tell ya!
Melinator16: HEY ME TOO!
SoonerPride777: I'll do yours if you do mine!
SoonerPride777: wait...that sounded alot dirtier than it should have....
SoonerPride777: O:-)
Melinator16: haha, OH BRING IT ON!
Melinator16: wait can i handle yours?
Melinator16: or is it too hard?
SoonerPride777: oh, it's hard, and long
SoonerPride777: but it's gotta be done, and you gotta do what you gotta do!
Melinator16: *and im spent*
SoonerPride777: lol

I wish some dreams came true....

So, recently I have been having really vivid dreams. Saturday night the dream involved me drowning by a huge tidal wave....which was horrifying. But, last night's dream made up for it big time. I was back in Owasso to pick up this package that someone told me would be arriving for me anonymously. A huge semi dropped by and left this.... for me to cruise around town :)


*Drool.....*

This is a concept motorcycle made by dodge I saw on like the discovery channel the other day, hence the reason I am dreaming about it. Here are some specs to let you know exactly how cool of a dream this was: The Tomahawk is a viper V-10 based motorcycle, 500 horsepower engine with four wheels beneath it. The engine breathes through twin throttle bodies mounted right up front. It was reported to have cost Chrysler $100,000 to build. It can reach 60 mph in about 2.5 seconds, and is topped at about 400 mph! Each pair of wheels is separated by a few inches and each wheel has an independent suspension. These four wheels are needed in order to handle the power coming from the engine...

*why, oh why did I have to wake up?*

Is happiness achievable?

Is been brought up quite frequently lately that I haven't been myself. That I don't look as happy as I usually am. Well, to tell you the truth I haven't been for quite some time, but wait... was I ever? Or was I just content? Now, hang in there, this isn't a rant; just a simple revelation. Here comes the rhetorical question for everyone:

Have any of you ever really/truly been happy?

Now, I'm not talking the -Oh, thats funny- or the -That makes me glad for a little bit- kind of happy. I'm talking the definite and lasting happiness. Aren't we all just waiting for it? I mean as a child we are so certain that happiness will arrive with our 16th birthday and the ability to drive. Then that passes, and we are certain in high school that happiness will come when we get to college. That passes, and as a college student we dream of the perfect job. Then when we get in the job market we assume happiness will come with a family. When we have a family we look forward to retirement and our kids being out of the house... what comes next? Death!?!

Aren't we always waiting on happiness to come?
Do we ever achieve it?
Will any of us ever really be happy?
Or is this all some cruel joke, like Sarah brought up tonight?

Maybe its just my realist tendencies, but I'm more inclined to believe that everything could....in fact....be....pointless.

Now, all I have to do is "WAIT"and see if someone or something can change my mind.

....sigh.....

Our story wasn't an elaborate one....

I knew it started getting serious
when your stuff was lying around.
I didn't mind our things mingling
as long as you knew that I didn't intend
on getting my heart broken twice
this year.
I feared that if your things
did find a place in my chaotic life,
it would have been forever.
And If I got used to your arm
draped across my chest while I slept,
and your (non-existant) snoring,
than you couldn't have just taken them away,
one day.
All the hours spent cradling your head
against my heart, while you listened to its drum
and I touseled your hair, slipped by.
Though neither of us had much to say,
I stayed patient for you, and
kept silent for you to one day talk to me.
Romance is a dream, I am real, and what I offered
was too.
I could give no fairytale, but why,
was a truthful story of a boy and a girl,
man and woman, so unappealing?
Thank god this book has many sequels,
and your character isn't necessary
for a happy ending.