Ooh lala!

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Snow White ain't got nothing on me!

This is Melody's new hair color! The first night I colored it, Sarah played with my hair like I was a new doll. She thinks it looks like Snow White. What does everyone think of my new locks? I guess I always have a job waiting for me at Disney World, if all else fails.

Way Away

She stood in the grass, the sun was shining brightly across the field, a few distant white clouds scattered over the sky. The wind blew a strong warm breeze, that smelled of the past. The landscape that she knew so well rested before her. The creek that she had once imagined as a moat surrounding her castle, lay stagnant and still... the tree that served as a haven and a lookout, bore the faint signs of carvings from tiny hands way up in the overgrown branches...the tall grasses that served as a protection against discovery for two young loves playfully embracing in the spring, now dead and empty swaying sadly with the gusts. She pondered all of this, while closing her eyes and remembering. She stood only a few paces away from two destinies. One was held in the house behind her, a building was all it meant to her now. The other was in her car to her side, the trunk still open from packing the only remaining remnants of what used to be her presence in that house. She turned slowly.... closed the trunk, and drove away. She never looked over her shoulder, a single tear slid slilently down her face, her knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. She sped emensely as though afraid of something unseen pursuing. The fear and anxiety that the house had caused even during this brief stay slowly ebbed away, the further she got away from it, her grip loosening on the wheel. The past dwindled behind, as the vast road stretched before her.

I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
There's nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything- Yellowcard

Friday Night Fun

Last night Laura, Sarah, and I (Andrew tagged along too) went to play lazer tag in the union. It was fun. Laura and Sarah were a team, and then Andrew and I were one. But, YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR HAND OVER THE CENSOR! Laura and Sarah both cheated us. Then, walking around the union, we came across the LAN party. You know, computer people bringing in their custom made computers and playing games against each other. It was pretty interesting. We girls got quite a few funny looks though, Andrew suggested it was because they haven't seen real women in person very often. Then we went to the Union theater to watch "Team America", possibly the most pointless movie out there, not counting "Euro-trip." It was entertaining though, and I did catch myself laughing a few times at the mindless violence between PUPPETS.
I actually managed to sleep last night, dozing at a somewhat decent time: 1:00 am. Then as if in some nightmare, I awake to the LOUDEST and most annoying Fire Alarm in the history of alarms....apparently Laura and Gerard were cooking at 3:00 AM and something started smoking. So after this abrupt wake-up call, I didn't go back to sleep. I could smell and hear everything that was going on in the kitchen after that. I decided it best not to get out of bed and check on them, because I know it would have ended up with me YELLING. Grr. I'm afraid this lack of sleeping routine will continue a bit longer. Now, I'm at work, on this dreary morning. Dreading the two and a half hour trip home to be with my mom who just got out of surgery.

Pet Cemetery

This is Sarah's fish...in the floating position. Don't get me wrong, its not dead yet, but its only a matter of time. Sarah said he likes to play dead. I think hes practicing for the real thing. Albert Chester "the fish", good luck buddy!

WTF?

Stoner Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Surprise!

Its fun waking up to this:

and this:

when you didn't want to get up at all...

Its freakin 4 in the morning....

So, i heard that when I awake in the night (part of my insomnia) i am supposed to get up and do something. Staying in bed when you can't sleep will eventually cause you to associate not sleeping with your bed. So, here I am writing in my journal at 4 in the freaking morning. Eh, I'm willing to try anything. This is becoming the worst of trouble for me. I look and act like a zombie all the time now. I need the release of a full nights sleep soon.
I have always been a pretty picky/odd sleeper. But I have never been a non-sleeper. Sure I have to have it completely quiet, dark, and cool. But I always was good about going to bed at a decent hour (10-12) and waking at a decent hour (8-10). Now, its become sleep: (3-4), lay in bed: (4-8), toss and turn till who knows when. The dreams have become increasingly interesting. The last one I could remember involved these Care Bear type animals. Not cute and cuddly, mind you, but really creepy. Like the ones in the Stone Temple Pilots music video "Sour Girl", or the bunny in the movie Donny Darko.

Really scary eh?
I also cannot for the life of me, sleep with another human being. Whether it be my cousin Robin when she comes down to visit on holidays, or a boyfriend. There was only one instance with a boy that I felt comfortable enough to sleep in his presence. I dont know what that is about, but none the less, it puts a damper on your relationships. I think that when I finally do find the one person that I can sleep the whole night with, I will know they are the ONE. There is something about sleeping next to someone that is so powerful. I think it has to do with the fact that you are most vulnerable when sleeping...I dont know if any of this will make sense in the morning.
In honor of V-day tomorrow and the anti-Valentines day club of Owasso, as vice-president I feel a need to dedicate something. But even though I continue to try to convince myself that I do not believe in Romance, my heart wants desparately to believe. So, here is a touching statement from Robert Frost's poem "Reluctance":
"Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?"

Copying Woes...

I just got done copying two full thesis at work. Which amounted to like 400 copies. My fingers are actually chapped from the paper. I wonder if you can get cancer from that flourescent green flashing light.... That figures. Melody Woods' Tombstone Engraving: "Died from brain cancer caused by the green flashy light on the copying machine." That sounds about right. I am still seeing little stars. I understand why bugs are attracted to bright light. After a couple of hundred copies, I found it hard to look away from the light. Mesmorizing....seriously.
Found out something very creepy today. Mr. Monnet- in the early 1900s- while working here in the law school, which is the libary where i work now, had a mysterious accident. He fell down the back stairs of the building, and later died from complications of the fall. Thus, the name of our building, Monnet Hall, in remembrance. My boss was telling one of his tours today, and I was surprised at the story. He said that if there was a building haunted on campus, this place would be a good candidate. HOW EXCITING! I thrive on this stuff! I aint scurred!

On another very random, and very silly note: Its condom week here at OU. HAha! Hmm, is it a coincidence that it happens to be the week before the infamous (&personally dreaded) holiday they call "Valentines Day?" Haha. I think yes. So....Happy Condom Week! *giggle

SICK!

I'M SICK! BLEH! THE QUESTION IS... POKER NIGHT TONIGHT?

Nightmare

Last night I was plagued by several different nightmares. Not the usuall recurring onces, but two new ones. In the first, I went back to my hometown for a reunion of sorts. They had gotten a compilation together of the names and past pictures of people that graduated with me. I was looking through it, and realized that there was nothing about me! I started questioning all of my high school friends who were there about it, and all of them denied ever knowing me...it was as though I never existed. The next dream was of my house. I was again back in Owasso and I had pulled up to my house late that night. It was dark and I couldn't see anything. As I approached the back porch, I suddenly got this bad feeling and turned on the penlight on my keychain to search the ground. Where the backdoor was, there laid this pit full of snakes, all different kinds. A python saw my approach and reached out for me. It caught me, and started suffocating me, and I couldn't cry out for I lacked breath nor energy to struggle. They were horrible, and still very vivid in my mind...

Take the Lead

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Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?
Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night. -The Village
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God, I love that movie.

I have a hard time stepping back and being passive in these situations. When I want what I want, I go after it. Even if that means driving across state on a whim to see someone, or blatenly telling the person I have feelings for them. It usually ends badly, with me being either embarrassed, or completely striken. But, as most people that know me understand, I have a 'no regrets' policy. This means that I will do just about anything, in order to banish any questions or regrets I might eventually have. So far this policy has been pretty beneficial. But, certain things I still believe- but don't usually act according to- are better left for the other party to initiate. Yes, I believe that men should make the moves, etc. Its just how its been done for hundreds of years and seems to have been a success. So, I try my hardest to wait...cause its the correct order of things.

So, I realize the end paragraph of my last entry must have left a lot of you very curious. Trust is something in a friendship that -with me- takes a long/hard time to achieve, and very easily lost. The story is that one of my "friends" betrayed and humiliated me very badly. I dont get angry very easily, I'm just a forgiving and "mellow" person, but I do still get hurt. I am not STONE COLD, regardless of what you may have witnessed of me. And I am still HUMAN, and I do have a vindictive/vengeful nature. And, sadly, I did get "bloody satisfaction" (line from Kill Bill vol. II) from writing my last entry. But I want you to know buddy that you shouldn't feel bad anymore, I'm over it and so should you be. Lets just move on, and see what happens.

THE END...

Straylight Run

The Straylight Run concert was amazing! It was great to get to see them live, and going with my best friends made the whole experience even more enjoyable! Highlights of the evening (for Phil, who didn't get to make it): Getting to enjoy the concert (free from moshers) cause Jon acted as my personal bodyguard, seeing Laura release her agression on the wild crowd by shoving several crazy people into the pit with her fist, and dancing and singing side by side with Sarah!



Right now I am at work in the quiet old library. I work all day today, which should be quite a feat considering I had no sleep last night at all! I really have no clue how a person can survive on the amount of sleep I have been getting recently. Anyone have any suggestions? PLEASE HELP ME! I dont know what I am doing wrong. It is not because of caffeine, and it isn't from napping too much during the day. So, if anyone has a system that seems to be working, please share tips with me. I am becoming a classic and straightforward insomniac. And those nice little bags under my eyes sure dont look very flattering...haha.

On another note. I think I will be the better person and not write about "a certain someone" who everyone knows who it is anyway, on my site...say horrible things about them, and make myself feel better and brag about how much of a 'good person' i am, although we all know differently. So, I will leave it at this. You hurt me. I need more time to consider whether you are worth the trouble to forgive.