The Calling

She wasn't quite sure of what was taking place, but she knew things would never be the same. She could sense things, feel their emotions and the deep sadness that captured their souls. This is why she stood at a distance from him. He questioned the body language, but decided to take a chance. The weather was cold and she stood outside barefoot to see him off. As they remained there motionless, he noticed a slight shiver, which she made discrete from pride. To put his arm around her waist seemed harmless enough and unthreatening in accordance with the chilly evening. He moved slowly to her side, mimicing the care one would take when approaching a meek animal, and touched her.
Without warning she succumbed into a violent shuddering siezure, as though his touch were hotter than a branding iron. She wheeled around abruptly and looked sadly into his face, a tear falling timidly down her peaked cheek. But her eyes were what struck him to the core. So compassionately understanding, he believed she saw right into his heart. He wouldn't have doubted she knew everything about him in one look. His depressing childhood, the death of his best friend, his seclusion in High School, the suicide attempts, and his loneliness reflected out of her emerald green emmense eyes. His burden now hers, and silently he wept.
He backed off alarmed. His hands coming up in a defensive manner, unsure of what had just taken place. He felt strangely void of a pressing darkness. The pain was gone. He turned to run, as the coward he used to believe he was, and glanced back over his shoulder just as she collapsed gently onto the ground blacked out and completely helpless. He returned, lifted her easily and brought her inside. Not knowing the appropriate actions in this situation, he laid her on the couch. Her eyelids flickering and brow contorted with agony, she remained unconscious. Then much to his regret, he left, locking the door behind him. Sitting for several long moments in his car, he couldn't bring himself to pull out of the parking space.... slowly he drifted into his first undisturbed sleep in years, staring at her glowing window. His last thoughts were of her eyes.

I would have....

blindly followed you.

Hmmm....

So, im unhappy with my format. I changed it again.
Don't continue reading. Just letting off steam.

I've been very snappy with people lately. I'm usually very cautious about what I say to others, but recently certain things have been really hitting me hard. Why should I painstakingly moniter everything I say to others, when they dont give a shit about what they say to me or the people around me? I usually just take the abuse, and let it roll of my shoulders, sometimes even apologize to THEM FOR INVOKING THE COMMENT. But recently I have been sticking up for myself. I dont know if its selfish or just plain decent of me to finally be doing this.

I think its because of sleep. Or lack thereof. I seem to never be able to sleep when I need it, but fall asleep in the middle of doing something. Its really frustrating. When I do fall asleep, I have really disturbing dreams. Not full-fledged nightmares, but similar. I have tracked them to a source. My job over the summer. Its really tainted my perception of the world....only seeing the worst parts of it for three full months. I feel my job was unfinished. Those kids faces haunt me during the day and night. This enormous burden on my shoulders, that I can't share with anyone, and I can't overcome. I dont think it is something you just forget about. There are certain triggers that get me thinking about the past too... Its like a time-bomb suddenly going off im my mind and heart. On top of that, something that I depended on for support just quietly got up and walked away. You know men don't just leave me in the general sense, but literally leave my life altogether. Actually moving away. Out of town, out of the state, heck...even out of the the country. How depressing is that?

Don't worry, tomorrow I will be myself again. Slow to anger, and reserved..."mellow".... as they call me.

Its been a while....

So, after my long break from writing only 4 people have commented? How sad is that. Thank you to my few loyal readers. I love ya. I decided to change my layout. Tell me what you think?

Thanksgiving break consisted of the Woods/Ruggles family fighting and eating. (I did have fun with you Robin, you made the holiday bearable.) What are holidays for but to put down each other in the name of holiday spirit. Yay. (dripping with sarcasm)


The past week has been much better though. My friends threw a surprise birthday party for me on Wed. Seeing as I had never had a real party on my birthday- it always falling on or around Thanksgiving- I was very pleased. Thanks to everyone that went in on the planning and execution. I appreciate it. More than you can know. I got lots of cool stuff: Matrix 10 disc DVD set, Spiderman 2, A spiderman hamper, a shirt, peppermint shotglasses, genuine clay poker chips, socks, a watch, *ahem* a namless embarrassing item that I assure the perpetrater sweet revenge for. I think this was the biggest/ best birthday I have had, and I milked it for everything its worth, using the phrase "Birthday Girl Says," numerous times througout the night in order to persuade people to do certain things for me. :) Thanks to everyone that sent me little messages wishing me a happy birthday too. Never have I had so much attention solely on me.

Funny/Scary story in conclusion to this boring post!
Seeing as my party was on a Wednesday night, I had to work the next morning. I couldn't call in because I have done so too much in the recent past. The partiers all left around 3 in the morning, and me and laura cleaned up and talked (unable to sleep) until about 4/4:30. I woke up at 5:30 FREEZING, so I jumped out of bed to turn up the heat. Couldn't fall back asleep. 7:45 roles around. Oops, Melody has to be at work in 15 min. I am in such a zombie state, the only things I remember that morning are getting into a very hot shower and I remember Jennifer and Anna persuading me to go take a nap in the office at work since our boss is on vacation. After my shift at work I walk out of the building and straight ahead is my car. Not in the designated parking lot two blocks down, but right next to my building on the North Oval, where I dont have a pass. It also happens to be parked on a yellow curb, on a cross walk. Here is the kicker...*I DONT REMEMBER PARKING THERE. Take it as you will. Its funny thinking how stupid it was, but also scary knowing I was driving my car in some various state of sleep.

*dont you dare make any 'women drivers' comments.